I read a very interesting story this week and I thought it appropriate to share it, especially considering that it has a direct relationship with this week's parashah - section, Kedoshim, which talks, among other things, about loving one's neighbor.
It is worth noting, before entering into the story, that this very important precept (to the point that Rabbi Akiva used to say that it is a fundamental rule of the Torah and Hillel, a generation before Rabbi Akiva even, went so far as to say of this precept that it is the entire Torah and the rest are just commentaries) is learned from only a part of a verse, a few words compared to the number of words and entire verses that the Torah itself uses to relate other matters (of apparent lesser importance).
From this we learn that the most fundamental and essential things are not those that require much development or those that stand out for being picturesque, striking, or novel, but rather they tend to be the simplest things, and even then, sometimes the most difficult to accomplish. Now, the story.
It was 8:30 in the morning when an elderly gentleman, around 80 years old, arrived at the hospital to have his blood pressure checked. He said he was in a hurry, as he had an appointment at 9:00. They had to wait for someone to attend to him, but the man was in such a rush that a nurse decided to help him and take his blood pressure.
Meanwhile, the nurse asked him if he had an appointment with another doctor and that was why he was in such a hurry, to which the older man replied that he did not, and that his hurry was because he had to go to the nursing home where his wife was hospitalized to have breakfast with her.
Then the nurse, as an act of courtesy, inquired about the health of the elderly man's wife, to which he replied that she had been hospitalized for some time and had Alzheimer's.
""Would she be angry if her husband were a little late for their daily appointment?" the nurse asked. The older man replied that she hadn't recognized him for about five years.
Surprised, the nurse asked, "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?""
""Yes," replied the old man, "she doesn't know who I am, but I still know who she is.".
We see from this story that the definition of love for one's neighbor is not measured by our own measure—that is, how much we consider appropriate to love or give of ourselves to the other—but rather it must be measured according to the other person. The focus of the relationship with the other must be the other person for true love to exist, not on the qualities of the other that satisfy me or benefit me, but on the other person for who they are.
In other words: love for one's neighbor is based on the very fact that one's neighbor exists; this is reason enough to love, respect, and give oneself completely to them, regardless of the benefit one may obtain by helping, even the benefit of feeling good by helping.