Comforting those who are grieving is one of those situations we'd rather avoid. However, it's an act of kindness and a great mitzvah, especially during shiva (lit. Seven), the week following the death of a loved one. And, in reality, it's not that difficult: what's truly needed is for the person to be there.
How? One should visit as frequently as their company is appreciated and beneficial. In a traditional shiva, prayers are organized for morning, afternoon, and evening, to recite the corresponding Kaddish, for which a quorum of ten men is required.
Sit near the bereaved. Let them speak first. Allow them to steer the conversation to any topic they wish. If they want to cry, be there for them. Always be attentive to whether the bereaved want to be alone and if your presence bothers them.
When that happens, stand up and say, "May God comfort you along with the others who are mourning for Zion and Jerusalem," and then leave.
More details:
- Consider the atmosphere. Avoid greetings and farewells.
- It is not necessary to bring anything; it is your presence that consoles and comforts.
- Do not say to the bereaved, "What are you going to do? You can't change the way the world works," or similar phrases. When a person dies, it is time to accept the Divine decree with love.
- Traditionally, shiva visits are not made on Shabbat.
- If you cannot visit in person, you can send an email or call.
Excellent advice on a sensitive and very personal topic. Congratulations and best wishes,
Adrian